LOS ANGELES - Author Carole H. Field is known for her expertise on relationships and dating, as well as for her appearances in a variety of television and radio shows. Her new book "Dating Down... And Those of us Who Do It," is getting much attention for telling how women have become accustomed to dating men below their social status and level of education.
Her work on relationships, love addiction and dating is especially timely given the emphasis these days on computer dating and the wide variety of dating sites that have cropped up in recent years. Her book features eight captivating real-life stories of about her patients and the issues they faced as a result of “dating down.”
To order the book, visit http://datingdownbook.com/dating-down/.
A Detroit native, Carole H. Field graduated Summa Cum Laude with a bachelor’s degree in philosophy from Wayne State University in Detroit. She graduated Magna Cum Laude with a Master’s Degree in marriage, family and child therapy from Phillips Graduate Institute in Los Angeles. She is currently in private practice in Los Angeles and runs singles therapy groups while lecturing around the country and overseas.
Today, she talks to us about her book and about why women "Date down." Here's the interview:
Question: What inspired to write "Dating Down... And Those of Us Who Do It"?
Answer: The enormity of women coming into my office with this affliction prompted my getting into “helping person / writer” mindset. I was staggered by the pandemic statistic of this. Everywhere I looked, women were partaking. Consequently, I felt like Superman -- I had to heed the cause.
Q: What exactly is "Dating Down" and is that a new phenomenon?
A: Read the book.LOL. It is consistently engaging below our station -- to your emotional detriment.There seems to be no boundary and no bottom to being with someone who is, plainly stated, hurting you. It is an age old phenomena that has never been addressed.
Q: Where did you find the women who 'Date Down" and were they comfortable talking about it at first?
A: Simple. I found them in my office. It is so global. It was not difficult to unearth. The women were fabulously open. One even insisted I use her real name and city in the book.
Q: Did you "Date Down" and what was that like for you?
A: I have never had the “affliction”. I have always had a sense of the self annihilation of this. But, I used to observe some of my girlfriends in college and get baffled by their personally destructive behavior. I wondered why they could not see their way out of impending trouble.
Q: What are the main reasons women "Date Down"? Is that something that happens across women of various social statuses and age ranges?
A: Low self esteem seems to push women over the edge here. It is a worldwide phenomena that sees no boundaries from cultures, age, or status. Some women believe they must function for another or they believe their worth lies in their ability to fix. Awful men love this:they get to sit back and reap the benefits.
Q: How can women break this pattern and develop healthier relationships?
A: It takes courage to say,”Even though I do to perceive him before me, there must be someone better than what i have,” You see, there are 350 million people in America alone and 9 million live in Los Angeles. It is laughable to assume your destructive crush is the only man alive.
Q: What are the lessons you learned writing this book?
A: As a writer, to just keep writing and let nothing stop you. As a psychotherapist, that I HAD to expose this. I am not sure why the inventor or creator gets a hit and MUST put it forward. Some people get a hit and let it go. Then, some of us feel letting it go would not be serving the planet. I guess I HAD to service the planet.
Q: What kind of response are you getting from readers? Is it what you expected?
A: People love the book and cannot seem to put it down,but, they read it with one eye closed: It is very close to home. That is why I capitalized the US in the title. A few readers have been angry at me. Most people thank me heartily in the vein of “How come I did not read this 10 years ago, before I married the monster!" One friend said she missed her bus-stop because she was so engrossed in one of the stories. This is the response I like even though I am sorry about the bus-stop…..kinda!
Q: Are you planning on a follow up book or perhaps another book?
A: I have a follow up in mind, but mostly I have other book Ideas. They rest on the same theme. I will allow “spirit” to guide this selection. It always does.
Q: How can people get the book and what are your future plans?
A: Buyable from Amazon or Barnes and Noble bookstores. My future plans are continuing to lecture and extend my knowledge of this invisible pain. We all need to stop all this lack of integrity on the earth. However I can continue to get the word out, I am all for it.